Heliocentrism
by calamitous
Summary: The sun and the moon, embodied in one girl who would find no place with either. Thrown into the flames of the fiercest star, destined to burn up or be reborn. To lose, to struggle, to grow stronger. And maybe, in the end, to love.


a/n: Hello all. This is my first story here, though certainly not my first story ever. Just an idea that had been kicking around... finally decided to make something of it. There are original characters, and later on some from the game itself (who I don't own, of course). I have taken artistic license with a few things! Building details and distances and such. Nothing huge, don't let it get you all worked up. Just go with it. That being said, I enjoy darker, tragic themes... as well as fluff and bunnies! So, there could be a bit of both. I'll update every week or so, depending on my schedule. Feel free to leave a review and let me know what you think.. except, y'know, if you just want to be a jerk and say mean things. If it isn't constructive, keep it to yourself please.

Anyways, I'm going to stop rambling and get on with the story here. Enjoy.

* * *

I was going to drown. It was only a matter now of how much longer it would take, how much more saltwater I could ingest before my lungs gave out and my limbs failed to bring me back toward the surface. My body burned, every muscle pushed far beyond any normal expectations to the point where not even the chill of the North Sea could numb me. All around me were gray, desolate waves. The sky, turning fiery shades of red and orange and purple in the time just after dawn did nothing to lighten its sister sea. I struggled forward a few more feet, straining to keep my eyes on the three ships that were still so very far away. Unmoving, mocking representations of the respite I wouldn't reach. And I didn't dare turn around to head back to shore either... what waited for me there was probably worse than death. A man. My commander. The indiscriminate embrace of the ocean, free from hatred and cruelty might not be so very awful after all...

Now, hold on... before we watch me go under, lets back up just a little. To the beginning, or.. at least one of them. Because that's just a horrible place to start my story now, isn't it? I'd been in bed still, sleeping with as much peace as I ever felt here. Out of all of the people who fought, the soldiers of the Shattered Sun who went to war against the forces of Kael'thas and the Burning Legion day after day I was one of the few granted her own quarters. Not because I held any sort of rank, or had special favor with the higher-ups, no. Quite the opposite really. This just made it easier for Captain Dawnspire to wake me up without having to bother the rest of the warriors trying to get their rest. I'm his... special project, you see. Just like I knew I'd be, to one extent or another.

I'd been pulled back into reality by a harsh hand shaking my shoulder, blinking my eyes open in the wan light created by the crystal shine leaking in through the doorway. The Captain's pale face came into focus above me, glowing green eyes casting odd shadows along the straight nose and defined cheekbones. The very corner of the serious mouth twitched into an awful sort of half-smile.

"Rise and shine. Time for training." The same words, every morning for the eight months I've been here. The voice that delivered them was silky... beautiful. Just like he was. Even though I hated him, loathed the man with everything I had in me I couldn't deny that fact. All sin'dorei seemed to possess an innate physical beauty, offset by the dangerous venom that comprised their core. The Captain was especially gorgeous... and true to form, his cruelty was heightened to match.

Retracting the gauntleted hand, his blood-red armor glinting at every sharp point and making the man seem very much like an ornate sort of weapon in the darkness of the room, the blood elf took the helm from under the arm it'd been held with, pulling it down smoothly over his deep golden head. I could no longer see the spiteful smirk, but I knew it was there.

"Be down at the flightmaster's point in five minutes." The words were no less clear for having spoken them behind the armor, and they had me half out of bed almost immediately. Aching dread sunk its claws deep into my chest, for with those words I knew exactly what sort of exercises he had in mind for me today. But being late to them would only serve to make things far worse. Tugging my nightgown straight over my still tired body I gave a hasty salute, watching as the man turned and made to leave.

"Yes sir, Captain."

My only reply was the firm shutting of my door. After that I was left to scramble.. first to engage the small white crystals that were the room's only source of light without the sun, then to hurry and pull on my leather armor. The lightest set I owned. It would make a difference. If the Captain meant to have me meet him at the flightmaster's point, it was because today I would be doing water exercises... the kind where I swim out to one of the three captured Dawnblade ships anchored there and back. In full armor. And if it wasn't fast enough... well... then I would do it again. Out of all the things Dawnspire came up with to inflict upon me, this was by far the worst. I'm a strong swimmer... I grew up on the shores of Elune'ara after all... But this water is cold. Dangerously cold. Though Quel'danas looks warm with it's eternal fall foliage and green carpet of grass, the oceans surrounding it were near arctic in temperature. But if I didn't go? Well... that had only happened once, soon after I'd arrived. And it won't happen again.

In the relative quiet of the pre-dawn I moved through the spiraling hallways of one of the barracks, down toward the ground floor. Through the delicately carved, sin'dorei windows I could see the night shifts trickling back in to the staging area, from there no doubt seeking the inn or the baths before taking to their beds. The sight made me sigh quietly, vaguely wishing my life were like any one of theirs. Not because I wanted simplicity or ease or even companionship and friends... only that I wanted a chance. A chance to maybe earn some bit of... comfort. Happiness. It was a fairy tale though. Nothing would change, not until someone figured out how to transform the very blood that runs through my veins. My thoughts had turned to this familiar subject as I reached the bottom level, distracting me so that, in my hurry I barely even noticed when Naali stepped right into my path. Still half-asleep, I startled, reeling back and only avoiding falling over completely because the Draenei woman grabbed hold of my arms.

"Careful, dear... I didn't mean to surprise you." Her foreign, milky lavender face smiled kindly, sorrowfully. Naali was the barrack-master, in charge of making sure all of the daily cleaning and supplying was taken care of. She was also the only other one who consistently bore witness to these morning rituals. Her gentle hands made sure I was stable before releasing me. "Is he dragging you out there again, Illi?"

Stifling a yawn, that horrible sense of urgency prickling along the back of my neck, I tried to give my best 'I really don't have time for this' glare. I imagine it only came off as me looking like the tired, anxious, unhappy girl that I was, though. "You know he is... and if I don't go now he'll make me do three times the work. Please..." The pleading in my voice disgusted me. Because I hated the fear that spawned it.

Naali's brows furrowed above her bright white eyes, her hands reaching up again to fuss with the leather band about my raven-black head. "Something should be done. Every morning I see him come in, then leave again.. and not two minutes later you're rushing out after to do the naaru only know what. You've done nothing to deserve that sort of treatment-"

"And who would I report it to Naali? His blood elf superior? Who is going to conveniently overlook the fact that I'm a half-breed?" The Draenei's fingers ceased their movement, and the pang of regret I felt was instant. She'd been stopping me every week or so for months now to give this same sort of protest. And I knew it was only because she cared, because her intentions were good and just. But time was ticking away... and I really did have to go...

Naali's expression turned stern then, and one hand shifted downward to grasp my chin firmly, tilt my face up to meet hers. "Just because you're a unique creature is no reason to punish you. There is no shame in being both kaldorei and sin'dorei."

Shaking my head, freeing myself from her touch I managed to muster up a small smile. I knew she only meant well, trying to look after me as she did. But the woman always picked the worst times... "I know that... I do." I didn't, not really. "But until they know it, nothing will change. And that means I have to do as I'm told. Please Naali.."

This finally seemed to placate her enough, and she only shook her head with a helpless sigh as she stepped out of my way. "Be careful, Illidani."

I was already moving as she had said it, too worried now about getting out to the Captain to sulk over my unfortunate name as was the normal custom.

By the time I'd nearly sprinted across the courtyard and along the docks, ignoring the chill in the dry, early autumn air I knew I was already late. Six minutes.. maybe seven had gone by. But as I came closer, slowing to a brisk walk so as not to alarm the dragonhawks that hovered gracefully near their trainers, I started to feel a glimmer of hope. Captain Dawnspire was there, chatting pleasantly enough with the other blood elf male. Perhaps then he wouldn't notice? Perhaps luck was on my side for once? Struggling to slow my quickened breathing, I came to a smart stop a polite distance away, waiting for my superior to finish. The Captain didn't even seem to realize I was there at all for another minute or two, even if the flightmaster he was speaking to kept eyeing me suspiciously. Probably couldn't tell in this light if I was 'that' girl. I did my best not to stare back, fighting down the creeping nervousness that threatened to make me shift about. Why was it that I was destined to have people constantly make me feel as if I were a child again?

With a final, light-hearted laugh that sent a thrill up my spine, the sin'dorei Captain finally turned to acknowledge my presence, his enduring smile taking on a malicious edge. I straightened, offering up another salute before averting my gaze to the stones I stood on.

"Ah, and here's Illidani at last. Late for your morning swim, I'm afraid." There was this... pity in his voice... a mocking sort of sympathy that made my skin crawl. That fragile bit of hope withered and died inside me. "We'll just have to make this one extra special then, I think."

"I'm sorry sir.. I.." But whatever I'd been about to say died in its hatching... there really wasn't much use in making excuses. I let my eyes slide closed for a moment, trying to shove the dawning pain and fury and misery away deep down. They wouldn't do me any good now. I'd come to find that feeling anything at all did nothing beneficial.

The faint sounds of clicking and snapping drew my attention back to the outside world, blinking my eyes open to watch as the Captain had begun systematically removing both his greatsword and the thick plate armor. First each shoulder piece.. then the helm... the gauntlets, the bracers, the chestpiece.. It all came off, and underneath emerged a strong, trim, firmly muscled body, covered only by a pair of crimson breeches. I... was confused. Horribly confused. I was late so... he was going to strip? Take a swim himself? I would have considered it further, but my gaze was drawn to the scar-traced expanse of his bare torso, lingering perhaps a little too long before I could pull it away again. Treacherous eyes! Luckily, the elf hadn't noticed, having been preoccupied with the removal of his boots. I felt my cheeks warm against the sea breeze. Really, they'd probably picked this particular blood elf on purpose to be my immediate superior, if only to further drive home the fact that I would never be accepted among them. I could look, I couldn't help but look... but I would never, ever be allowed to touch.

Once the very finely made armor lay all on the ground, the Captain gestured to it with a grand sweeping motion, his jade fire eyes burning into mine. "You will wear this today. Put it on."

Everything I'd been thinking ground down to a halt. I could feel my lips part slowly in disbelief, all the previous emotions I'd been trying to suppress dispelled just like that. "... What? You aren't serious... Sir.. I'll drown... I can't.. I've never worn plate mail before..."

"It is a good time to learn then. Do I have to help you?" Dawnspire crossed his arms loosely over his chest, body language obviously not interested in coming anywhere near me even though his tone of voice seemed helpful enough. I could only blink, still in slight shock... until he sighed impatiently and my contemptible fear of him took over. I bent down to pick up the first piece that seemed logical. Logical. Psh. None of this was logical in the slightest. While my brain slowly recovered from its numbed state, my fingers fumbled with the heavy pieces of his armor, struggling to pull the stays tight as I laid each piece over the leather I already wore. It fit... surprisingly well. He was rather tall for a sin'dorei though, and I rather short for having a kaldorei parent. We were almost of the same height... though, once I got to trying to wrestle the chestplate on, the obvious gender-born difficulties showed themselves. I wasn't overly blessed, but there was certainly enough there to be a problem. The Captain let out a little snort of amusement, stepping forward finally to cinch the leather straps connecting the front and back pieces painfully tight. I narrowly bit back a scathing remark, glaring at the man with growing fury. He only smiled that horrible smile, giving the solid armor a good blow with his bare fist, directly above my compressed chest.

"Seems to fit just fine, wouldn't you say?"

The blood elven flightmaster chuckled from somewhere behind the Captain. I could only glare helplessly. This wasn't fair. And not only that, it was suicide. He'd ordered me to do some crazy, dangerous things before... but this... this was in a league of its own. If I didn't already know that protesting would be useless, I would have been filling his damnable sin'dorei ears with complaints. If I were anyone other than myself, I wouldn't even have been in this situation in the first place. As it was... I could only stand there, mute, offering out each hand like a good soldier as he lifted the gauntlets and bracers to secure around me... wishing the most excruciating forms of torture on the esteemed Captain I could imagine. The numbness was giving way to a rapidly growing hate that was so brilliant and burning my head ached with it, my muscles twitched with their want to inflict so much harm on my tormentor. And even so, I was still aware of a very small part of me that was... ashamed of it all. That I would allow myself to be in such a position. That a single man could reduce me to this... That I was about to willingly throw myself into the sea knowing I would drown. The hateful burning moved into my eyes as hot, unshed tears welled up, blurring my vision. I couldn't let that bastard see me cry though... I just couldn't.

So, as soon as he'd finished with the other bracer, obviously have gotten over the disgust at being in such close proximity to my offensive person in favor of making this whole thing even worse for me, I ducked my head down to first slide my own light boots off and then replace them with the Captain's. My chest heaved with the effort of not sobbing, pressing painfully against the unrelenting metal. All the while I could feel the commander's gaze boring holes into me, his whole presence mocking and cruel without saying a single word... And it nearly broke my spirit beyond my ability to contain.

So I stalled, only half-pretending now that I was having trouble with the last buckle. It sufficed to give me the time to get the worst of my decay of composure under control. At the end, I straightened slowly, feeling sluggish and confined in the unfamiliar gear. My wrathful gaze found the blonde-headed elf... and he gave me another of his icy smiles in return.

"There. You almost look like a proper sin'dorei in my armor." Stepping forward again, Dawnspire raised the helm he had picked up and settled it down over my head, making sure that my ears caught painfully before repositioning it correctly. I hissed low under my breath, unable to stop the words that trickled out, slipping into my 'native' language.

"I live every day wishing only for your death, wretched demon. May you find it only after you've endured my pain a hundred fold."

The beautiful face tilted some, one long brow raised. His hands still held tight to the helm, and the green stare was locked on what he could see of my eyes. One second went by, then another... and then very suddenly my head was jerked forward. The light, mineral scent of him filled my nostrils as I felt his lips brush featherlight against my ear... and the Captain whispered, his returned Darnassian flawless,

"The gods would only laugh at the wishes of a half-breed."

I was released, as quickly as I'd been captured, his smile diminished some but still enduring as the man took a step away. I felt an awful cold settle over me, shocked at the knowledge that the blood elf had understood the words in the first place... and somewhere further down was a twisted sort of satisfaction. I'd never voiced anything of the sort to him before. Though it would surely only serve to further intensify my mistreatment, there wasn't much more he could do to me now anyways. Something in me wanted him to know, after all this time. Because something in me suspected I might not have the opportunity to tell him later.

Leaning on the hilt of his retrieved weapon, crackling light jumping sporadically up and down the length of the sheathed blade, the Captain made a tiny gesture with his free hand, indicating the faintly glimmering waters beyond the pier. "Go."

It was as simple as that, no time wasted. He was done toying with me. My body was weighed down by his armor, and my spirit extinguished by the order. All of the emotions in me, even that slight moment of defiance were instantly crushed and worthless. And after watching my tormentor for a heartbeat longer, I... obeyed. There was no other option. Tears threatened again, catching in my long eyelashes and making my lids heavy. The Captain's expression... was so... careless. Like he could be doing nothing more than ordering breakfast for himself. I wasn't even worth taking delight in tormenting. I wasn't worth anything at all.

Moving gracelessly to the seawall, I hesitated only a moment before leaping, not even bothering to send up any sort of prayer to gods I'd ceased to put my faith in long ago.

Then I swam. And a short time after that... I drowned. My limbs gave in, the weight of so much heavy armor pulled me down beneath the waves. Cold, harsh water replaced the air in my lungs... pain like fire raced through my veins as the oxygen in my blood ran out... The wavering, weak light of the dawn above was the last thing I could see before darkness filled my sight, before I slipped away into oblivion. And at the end, when my consciousness moved beyond the sensations of my mortal body... I saw... nothing.


End file.
